It's never too late to start over............

I started this blog as a journal for myself, not even thinking that anyone would really read it. I decided I wanted to blog about my running and triathlon journey. This entry is a little more life based. Just some things I have learned about myself in the process.

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” 

― Lao Tzu

Contentment has been a lifelong goal for me. I constantly remind myself I should be content with who I am and with what I have. BUT What if who I was wasn't who I was supposed to be? I never considered that until recently. I could never have been content with the person I was. It's not until recently that I could look in the mirror and be proud of the life I live. The life I have made and share with my son. I am 31 and I am just beginning to peel back the layers and discover the real me. 

I think it’s important to know the things you don’t like about yourself. To actually be able to point out your flaws and be aware of them is powerful. So here are a few things that I wish I were better at; forgiving, shutting my mouth, being patient, and having confidence.

I am learning that forgiveness is a powerful thing. When you can forgive someone who has wronged you, you can do anything. It takes more energy to carry around the burden of a grudge than it does to just forgive. 

Quietness, ahhhh this one. I have always said exactly what is on my mind. This is a struggle for me. Someone once told me "For lack of wood, the fire burns out." That could not be more applicable to my life at this very moment. I am learning to just keep my mouth shut and move forward. Some battles are better left for people to fight within themselves.

Having patience is something that does not come easy for people who struggle with anxiety. I have yet to discover a way to deal with this so I have no words of wisdom on it. Hopefully I’ll figure it out………..

Self-confidence is a struggle for everyone. I don't even think that the most confident person really believes that they can do anything. In my opinion everyone battles within themselves daily. I have learned to fight this battle through self-affirmations and lots of yoga. Repeating, you are enough and you can do this, then I think about the things I have accomplished. 

I truly believe that you are in control of your own self confidence. It's not genetic, people are not born confident. I have learned to be more confident in my adult life. 

 It is important to know your flaws. I think by pointing out the negative in myself I am able to turn it into positive. When I feel like I am behaving in that "old me" way, I redirect myself into the way I want to be. 

Know yourself and you will win all battles. – Sun Tzu

~Swimbikerunfuel

Indian Creek Triathlon

Fourth triathlon of the season and I was ready to go! It was a fun trip to Woodworth, Louisiana with my good friends. I came out of the swim in 20:04, my fastest swim ever! :55 second T1 and I was on my way.

I felt great on the bike, got to the turn around and my back tire went flat. I immediately panic. Someone comes up behind me and says, just fill it with Co2 it’s not all the way flat! So I’m panicking, crying, and trying to find my co2 and there is none. Why is there no co2 in my spare tire kit???!?!??!? OH because I had the bright idea to steal my ex husband bag off his bike. It was a Bicycle Shop bag and it looked better, makes total sense right? WRONG. I didn’t check the contents of the bag. So another person stops and helps me air up my tire, and I’m on my way. In hind sight I realize I should have just changed the tire then, because obviously it was flat! 2 miles down the road, flat, again. This time I’m not panicking and begin to change the tire. I cannot for the life of me get the damn tire off the rim. For 10 minutes I try to pry it off and end up throwing and retrieving it twice. At this point I am completely flustered and cannot get my shit together. I am 20 minutes behind and finally Precision Bikes shows up. Thank goodness for him because I would have been out on that course until someone realized I was missing and came looking for me. Okay maybe not, but it sure felt like it. I just tell him to take me back I am DONE.

Getting back to the finish line was hard. I was totally okay with my decision until I get back and see the finish line. This feeling of regret and complete failure consumes me. I am immediately a mess again. I search frantically for my friend, Mandi, and when I find her l lose it. She talks me through it and I get myself together. At this point I realize I have to face my coach. Luckily he was totally comforting and assured me it happens to everyone.

I’m still feeling like I should have sucked it up and finished.

~Swimbikerunfuel

I'm BACK!

It's been a long and eventful year for me. I put the blogging down and experienced some of the most amazing and horrible things in my entire life. I ran my first marathon, ran the Disney Glass Slipper Challenge, competed in several triathlons with age group placing, and am currently going through a divorce. To say I have experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows is an understatement.

Marathon training was pretty much the longest 20 weeks of my life. Every weekend waking up early, driving to the lakes to run for hours with my best friends. Sounds terrible right? Thank goodness for that group of ladies because I would have never survived alone. Matter of fact, I really don't know how I get through much of anything in life without those girls!

The marathon both sucked and rocked all at the same time. We ran, we walked, we laughed, I cried, we ate, I pooped (a lot), it was eventful. I am so thankful for my mom for being on the course in 4 different places with a backpack full of things we needed! Seeing my son every stop holding a different inspirational poster was the icing on the cake.  There are a lot of other details I've left out but that day has been cut down to mostly the good stuff in my mind. I really don't want to remember the agonizing pain.

So here are some things I’ve learned about life in that past year:

1. Don't plan for it to go any certain way. It will not turn out the way you planned.

and that’s pretty much all.

With the marathon behind me I got really excited to begin triathlon training. TRIATHLON is my favorite sport. I love everything about it. The training, the racing, the pain, the accomplishment, ALL OF IT. I decided to be all in this season and spent a lot of money on the things I needed to be a "real" triathlete. So I found myself a tri bike and started training. I picked up 2 new tri buddies along the way and I am so excited they have fallen in love with triathlon as well.

The first tri on my calendar was Rocketchix Triathlon in April. It was a super sprint tri, 300 meter swim, 12 mile bike, and a 2 mile run. I did the same exact course for my first ever tri 2 years prior. It was an amazing accomplishment and I finished in 1:45. This years race was AMAZING. I did not suck at all and executed the exact plan I created. ( I know I said before don't plan on anything going the way you planned.) I was 3rd in my age group with a time of 1:08. The finish of that race was just the boost I needed to know that everything was going to be okay. Just a few weeks prior on a Monday morning my (ex) husband of 11 years,  woke up and simply said, I had to go, he didn't want to be married anymore. I'll leave all the crappy details out, but will tell you this, I am thankful that he did that because I have become a better version of me.

                                                            That's MM, My tri bestie!

May 9th comes around and it's time to take on open water swimming for the first time since I failed at it last season. This year I got in several practice swims and felt much more comfortable. Louisiana Triathlon is a sprint tri, 800 meter swim, 18.75 mile bike, and 3.1 mile run. I was not nervous at all and was ready to take it on. The swim was great, the bike even better and I really surprised myself on the run. I rode a swift 18 mph average on my bike which is a big change from last year. I was happy with a 4th place age group finish for this race. These age group finishes are a drastic change from my first season of triathlon when I just raced to finish. I am quite the monster now and crave those fast times and good finishes..

 Next up was Tri New Roads, another super sprint tri. I felt great on the swim and had a sub 10:00 pace on the run but was a little slower than I would have liked on the bike. It was only 12 miles but I just didn't have the power in my legs that day. I remember saying in my head, go legs go, but they just wouldn't. I still finished 3rd in my age group and was happy about that! 

Sometime after that tri I decided I needed to complete a half iron man, 70.3 miles. WHAT?!? Who am I?? I knew that I couldn't train for it on my own and began to seek out a coach. I asked around the community and decided to go with the AWESOMEST (not a word I know) team, Freshjunkie Racing. I am confident that the badassery (another made up word) that is my coach, Pat Fellows, will not only get me through my first 70.3, but he will get me there with a respectable time.

~Swimbikerunfuel